Living in a big house, in a constant state of renovation, there’s plenty of room to make a huge pig’s ear of our life. Since the little man joined us, we’ve even more scope for stuff-related chaos.

Our house now resembles one of those puzzles where one square is missing, and you have to complete the picture by sliding the other tiles into and out of the empty space.

Jasper is about 70cm long. Despite his diminutive stature, his care demands: a crib, a basinet on wheels, a stroller, a playmat with hanging accessories, a bouncy chair, an activity centre (aka his office), a fold-up carrycot, a changing table and storage space for his clothes and toys.

Most of these are designed to be portable, occupy a lot of floor space and are used in the high-traffic areas of the house, where we need to keep JD amused while we go about our daily lives. He is prone to boredom if he stays in one place for too long, which is where the trouble starts.

Fifteen minutes in his office is long enough (not surprising, given that he’s artificially held upright while he’s there). From there, a switcheroo to the chair with a bottle to distract him buys another ten minutes. Ten more on the playmat and he’s about ready to be carried around, and shortly after that he wants (rather, needs) a nap.

Unless I drop what I’m doing and move from room to room, one of his accessories needs to be shifted to make space for something else time after time. It’s quite usual for Carolina to find me with Jasper asleep on my left arm and an unsteady pile of brightly-coloured baby crap stacked on top of the boxes in the office.

Picture Indiana Jones clasping the golden statue while a series of traps is set in motion. Now substitute a tomb for Toys R Us, and the golden statue for my far more precious little treasure.

We’re always seconds away from disaster around here, but the cute, stinky end justifies the means. Sleep well.

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