Turbo stunt baby attack!
Thirty years go, I was desperate for an Evel Knievel Stunt
Cycle.
It came on a little red base with a wind-up handle. You charged the bike on the base, let it go and watched as it did wheelies, attempted to jump over your toy buses and wiped out, resulting in similar injuries to those the daredevil suffered during his acts.
I never owned one in the end, as my arch-nemesis Omah (the spoiled son of a Saudi diplomat) ruined it for me. He mastered the various stunts and showed them all off within five minutes. But never mind, for Carolina and I have Jasper, our very own Turbo Stunt Baby.
Instead of a wind-up handle, we charge the little man with sleep, formula, fruit, vegetables and protein (Turbo Stunt Babies prefer meat to egg yolks, at least for now). Then we find an open patch of floor, place him down and ZOOOOM!
Unlike a Stunt Cycle, a Turbo Stunt Baby has all-wheel drive. Vertical surfaces are no barrier anymore, for the Turbo Stunt Baby will bump his little head, smile, look up and make a grab for whatever handhold is within reach, then pull himself up and begin looking for havoc to wreak.
The Evel Knieval doll on the Stunt Cycle never learned. Scoot him downstairs, with predictable painful-looking results, and he would happily let you do it all over again. Turbo Stunt Babies not only learn – eventually – which actions are smart and which are not, but during the learning process they unleash pitiful squeals to keep their parents well-informed of their progress.
Turbo Stunt Babies do not require batteries. Crash helmets, jumpsuits and bumper pads are sold separately.
A quick glance at eBay shows that an Evel Knieval Stunt Cycle with original box could be yours for around $100. And what price a Turbo Stunt Baby? Factor in many nights of broken sleep. Essential accessories include a seemingly endless supply of diapers, various instruments for introducing food and liquids, a wardrobe that would put Paris Hilton’s to shame and various (ostensibly) educational and noisy toys.
You won’t find many Turbo Stunt Babies on eBay. Nor is our little one for sale. I just hope he learns some restraint by the time he’s old enough to be unleashed on the roads of this fair town. Sleep well.
