Designer bads
Everybody knows what designer goods are, but I
have coined a
new term: “Designer
bads”.
This term sums up the ham-fisted efforts of so-called professional artists, engineers and marketeers to create products for consumers. Often, their work is laughable.
Why has nobody invented a leakless teapot spout? Why do office desks have sharp edges? Is there no alternative to selling products in sealed plastic packs, forcing buyers to virtually destroy the item to use it?
Designer bads can be amusing. But things aren’t so funny once you become a parent. When you’re dealing with babies, designer bads can be dangerous.
Take our new car seat (please). We’re stuck with this device until the little man is old enough to sit unaided in the back seat of the car. That’s at least three years. Add in the prospect of a sibling or two, and our car seat might be in use for up to a decade.
I wonder who signed off on a design which included a small, oblong hole on one armrest, the perfect size to get a hole-curious baby’s thumb jammed in to the second knuckle, forcing their parents to skin said digit to release the wailing child?
In an accident, that might prevent us from freeing JD for several precious seconds. The solution? Duct tape. Hardly elegant, but I didn’t spend three years in design school, so function is more important than form to me.
Spoons made too wide in the middle and too pointed at the business end to be safe. A tray table holder on his high chair that barely clings to the tray before it falls to the floor, unless forced home. Stair gates with a discrepancy between top and bottom, making them impossible to tighten without damaging the wall or doorway.
But it’s toys where you see some of the worst in designer bads. Not dangerous, but counter-productive or -intuitive. During a phase when Jasper is soaking up information like a sponge, every action and reaction is a lesson to be learned.
While toys which play tunes, flash lights and roll around on their own are appealling, at least to the adults who buy them, children will be confused. Pressing the same button three times can result in three different outcomes. The same sounds are duplicated for counting, effects and animal noises.
Those bad designers should be a baby for a few days and see how it feels! Sleep well.
